


i am not a vessel for your good intent

by rebelkato



Category: Dream SMP- fandom
Genre: All platonic relationships here, Angry Nihachu, Angst, Explosions, Gen, Mentioned Floris | Fundy, Minor Injuries, Minor Violence, Niki | Nihachu-centric, Non-Canonical, Post-Manberg-Pogtopia War on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:21:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29738661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebelkato/pseuds/rebelkato
Summary: Victory is sweet, they say. That's true, Niki could now attest to that.Was that too good to be true? Apparently.
Relationships: Eret & Niki | Nihachu, Niki | Nihachu & Wilbur Soot
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	i am not a vessel for your good intent

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm back again, this time with some good old Niki Nihachu. I sincerely hope you enjoy! 
> 
> title is from the song "tongues and teeth" by the cranewives

Victory is sweet, they say. That’s true, Niki could now attest to that. But it was also a breath of fresh air, a weight that had been on her mind for too long finally lifted. The world seemed brighter than it had this morning. She looked around at her friends, at their smiling, cheering faces. The city seemed to shout with them, the familiar buildings of L’Manburg looking stronger, happier, if buildings could look happy. 

She was exhausted, her limbs heavy and mind slightly numb. Fighting had never been easy for her, but she fought the best she could. 

It was worth it, she decided, as she heard her name from behind her and turned to see the grinning faces of her friends, their arms outstretched towards her. She stumbled into their arms, barely registering the many faces around her as the group embraced. They all smelled of smoke and sweat and blood, and some people were laughing breathlessly, someone else was crying, Niki wasn’t sure who. 

But it was safe and it was happy and they were finally home. She wanted this to last forever. 

One thing was bothering her, though, and as she scanned the group, she realized what it was. She leaned to the person nearest her, Tubbo, and murmured “Where’s Will?” 

He glanced at her, and she watched the realization as his eyes widened in surprise. “Oh! I’m actually not sure. I can go look for him, if you like?”

She shook her head, smiling as Tommy appeared behind Tubbo and tried to tug him away. “It’s alright, I’ll go find him.” She turned and wove her way through the small group of people until she was standing, free, in the main square of L’Manburg. The podium loomed before her, wicked and intimidating, but Wilbur was nowhere to be seen. She paused, wracking her brain for possibilities of where he could be. 

Knowing him, he had probably wandered off to somewhere meaningful to reflect on the day. The lake, maybe? The original land of L’Manburg would probably be a good place to start. 

With a nod, mostly to herself, Niki set off in that direction, her feet passing comfortably over the rough stone she had been fighting on a mere hour before. She smiled, releasing the tension in her shoulders and taking a deep breath as she walked. Oddly, the air tasted sweeter. 

It would probably be quicker to cross in front of the podium to get to the lake, she decided. This space still filled her with anger, but it probably wouldn’t exist for much longer. She, personally, couldn’t wait for it to be destroyed. It had hurt too many people, been the end of too many good things. Destroying it meant that this good thing wouldn’t end, either. 

Was that too good to be true? Apparently. 

There was only a brief moment of warning, where she heard the faint hiss of a spark lighting. She could only begin to wonder what the  _ hell  _ that was before there was a deafening crash, a cacophony of sounds she could barely comprehend. She was thrown backward, off her feet, away from the podium, like it had heard her destructive thoughts and was acting to protect itself. It felt like she was flying, for just a moment. She had felt this before, months ago, though it was just as terrifying the second time. 

She hit something  _ hard,  _ a building, probably. Her head was thrown back into the surface with her abrupt halt, connecting with a crack that made her vision blur and spiral. She crumpled to the ground, only managing to stare directly in front of her. 

The ground under her was shaking, though she couldn’t tell if she was imagining it or not. Her vision was blurring, smokey and heavy. Was that her vision? Or was there really smoke, rising in a dense column before her? She tipped her head back, breaths escaping her as her body grappled with whatever just happened. 

“Niki!” Someone called, their voice close and yet oddly distant. Questioning. 

“Here!” She responded, the words crackly and burning slightly as they fell from her throat. She was unsure if it was loud enough. In an effort to make herself more visible, she tried to push herself to her feet but ultimately failed, her arms giving out from under her almost instantly. A cry of pain escaped her lips as she fell back and her head hit the wall again, angering the already bad wound. 

There were hurried footsteps in her direction almost directly after, as if they had heard her cry and that had been the final clue to where she was. She squinted to make out who it was through her spinning head and the smoke that surrounded her. 

Eret? That was unexpected. 

Niki could tell the moment they saw her, because their eyes widened. “Shit.” They murmured, falling to their knees beside her. “Are you alright? Can you hear me?” 

She nodded in response, her head coming off the wall where it had been resting. “I’m fine...what happened?” 

“We’re- we’re not entirely sure. We were more focused on finding everyone, and I saw you get thrown away but the smoke from what I’m  _ guessing  _ was an explosion made it so hard to see-”

Niki’s eyes widened, and she sat up with a jolt. “ _ Explosion?”  _ The sudden movement made her dizzy, but she was too caught up in her thoughts to care. “No, why, we just  _ won  _ and now  _ this?” _

“Woah, woah.” Eret soothed, placing a hand on her shoulder to steady her swaying body. “You’re bleeding, hold on. I didn’t realize you had a fucking  _ head wound.”  _ They used their spare hand to dig through their coat, fishing in the deep pockets for something. “Come on, I know I had one left.” They muttered, before pulling out a little glass bottle filled with a shimmering pink liquid. “There it is. Here,” They removed their hand from Niki’s shoulder to uncork it before handing it to her, “drink this.” 

She accepted the potion gratefully, bringing it up to her lips with a shaking hand. Wow, she was not doing as well as she had thought she was. The liquid sank into her body and flooded her bloodstream with a slight burn, like drinking soda too fast, before her vision started to steady and her head began to feel a lot less numb. She smiled at Eret and placed the bottle on the ground beside her. “Thank you.” Her voice was stronger, clearer as it cut through the air.

Eret grinned, standing and offering her a hand. She took it, allowing herself to be pulled to her feet and glance around. 

The air no longer tasted of sweet victory. Now, it reeked of ashy contempt and the bitter taste of gunpowder that coated the back of her throat. It was familiar, and she absolutely hated it. 

Who had done this? Was it Dream, in some twisted power play? She had to find Wilbur as soon as possible. 

“Where is everyone else?” She directed this question at Eret, feeling significantly steadier on her feet. 

“Over here. I think we’re the only ones that aren’t with the group, so we can head over there if you like?” They offered, and Niki nodded. They started to walk away, waiting only for a moment for Niki to follow before continuing. The pair moved back into the square, but now they had to pick their way around the crumbling edges of a crater that descended into a smokey pit she couldn’t see the bottom of. She felt a morbid tug down there, like something in her was screaming at her to lurch off the path and scramble down the unstable stones. 

She didn’t think there was anything special that had been under the podium, aside from some caves or holes from people looking for resources. With a sigh, she ignored the idea and continued to follow Eret to the others. 

They all looked shaken up, faces marred with concern and a faint coating of ash, and Tubbo ran towards them as they approached. 

He made a beeline towards Niki, fear and confusion flickering in his eyes. “Are you alright? Did you see what happened?” Tommy was close behind him, uncharacteristically quiet, with a tight grip on the handle of his sword. 

She was struck, suddenly, with how  _ young  _ they were. They were just kids, who should be running around, pulling pranks and being happy. They didn’t deserve to be dealing with their home spontaneously blowing up after they just fought in a  _ war,  _ for fuck’s sake.

Why couldn’t they just have peace? It had been so close, and it had been ripped away before they could even really enjoy it. 

She shook her head, and Tubbo’s face fell. 

“You didn’t see anything? At all?” As if he had to clarify. It almost hurt her to kill this little spark of hope. 

“I didn’t see anything that seemed off. I was just walking past the podium to head to the lake, because I thought Will might be there, and then I heard a hiss, like something detonating, before I got tossed into the air.” She glanced up at the group, scanning the faces again. “Still no Wilbur?” 

Surely an explosion would be enough to draw him back to his friends. Tubbo only shook his head. 

“Niki, do you think…” He trailed off, but she understood what he was trying to say. 

“No, he wouldn’t, of course he wouldn’t. He- We just won back his home! I’m sure he’ll be here in just a moment. It’ll be okay, Tubbo, we’ll figure this out.” Tommy looked doubtful of Niki’s words, but Tubbo seemed almost eager to accept them, like he was searching for any semblance of hope and optimism. 

There was a shout from behind them, and Niki whirled towards the sound, watching Eret’s eyes widen. They both spoke at the same time. 

“Where…” 

“Who?” 

There was another one, but with the nervous chatter from her friends, Niki couldn’t make out what they were saying or where it was coming from. 

“Shush!” She shouted, frustrated. The square fell silent, surprised at the sudden noise. She didn’t care much, just grateful for the silence as she stepped towards the crater, straining to pick up anything. 

“Kill me! Phil, kill me!”  _ That  _ was clear as day. Her heart dropped, she  _ knew  _ that voice. She had found Wilbur. 

She dashed towards the edge of the crater, ignoring the questioning cries of her friends behind her. The smoke was finally clearing, but she couldn’t run down now because she couldn’t see well enough and it wasn’t worth getting hurt again. She knew someone was standing beside her, wondering why she had darted away.

“It’s Wilbur, I heard Will, he’s down  _ there.”  _ Her words were rushed, but she didn’t pull her gaze away from the smoke, as if staring at it long enough would make it go away. 

A wind brushed past them, sending goosebumps up her arm at the chill. It seemed to be a blessing, though, a kindness from the word that would let her see her friend, see the path down to him. For once, the universe seemed to be looking out for her as it brushed the smoke away, little by little. 

Two figures came into view, one she instantly recognized as Wilbur, kneeling on the ground, his long coat torn and stained from ash. There was a sword pointed at him, his hands slowly moving down from the blade as he looked the wielder straight in the eyes. He looked hurt, like one light shove would send him toppling to the ground. 

Maybe a blessing was the wrong word. 

“Who the hell is that?” Eret muttered, and Niki followed their gaze to the person holding the sword. She knew him, too, though it had been a long time since she had seen him. His dark wings, folded at his back, made him unmistakable. It was Phil. 

He was staring at Wilbur, looking shell-shocked and slightly hurt, the hand that held his sword to Wilbur’s chest shaking slightly. She wondered, briefly, when he had arrived in the city. 

She stepped forward, to call out, bring their attention to her before she would climb down into the pit, when Phil moved. 

Took a step forward, bracing himself. 

He plunged his sword into Wilbur’s chest. 

The world seemed to slow, like wading through syrup, sticky and lethargic. Niki’s mouth fell open and her heart almost stopped beating as Wilbur crumpled forward, onto the blade. Phil dropped onto his knees to catch him, his wings flaring out and curling around them, as if to shield his dying moments from the world. 

She didn’t really hear her shouting, just felt it rip from her throat as she lunged forward, running on some desperate hope that she could somehow fix this. Someone grabbed her elbow and tugged her back, sending a spark of dull pain up her arm. She whirled to them, suddenly angry, the world coming rapidly into focus. 

It was Eret, holding her back, looking exceptionally concerned. 

“Let me go.” She said, her voice almost scarily steady. 

“You can’t just run down there, Niki. You’ll get hurt, the ground is still unstable.” 

“But  _ Wilbur  _ is down there, dying. I can help him, there’s still time. Let me  _ go.”  _ She hissed, tugging her arm from their grip and stepping away from them. “I’ll be fine, it’s not that far down.” 

As she spoke, as Eret seemed prepared to retort her claim that she would be “fine”, she picked up on the sound of wings pushing through the air, and a dark shadow passed over them. Niki glanced behind her to see Phil swooping above them, landing just in front of Niki and Eret, cradling Wilbur in his arms. 

Niki dashed to him immediately, grabbing his shoulder and tugging him to face her. He looked slightly surprised, if you looked past the pain in his eyes. 

She only glanced at Wilbur, and her blood ran cold as she realized that he wasn’t breathing. “What. Did you do.” She seethed, grief rapidly fading into anger. 

He hesitated, hands curling around Wilbur almost protectively. “He got hurt during the explosion. He couldn’t have survived much longer no matter what we did.”

Niki saw red. 

“Don’t lie to me, Phil! I saw what you did,  _ we  _ saw what you did. I watched you take your sword and drive it through his chest.” She paused, watching his face pale. “You  _ killed  _ him. He’s-” The meaning behind the words hit her as she said them. “He’s dead. Oh god, he’s dead, you fucking  _ killed him.”  _

Tears streamed down her face before she could stop them, angry and burning trails through the sweat and ash that coated her skin. “Why? Why did you kill him? He would have been  _ okay,  _ things would have been  _ fine.”  _

“He asked me too, Niki. He was insane, he was begging me to just kill him, what else could I do?” 

“Anything else!” She cried, “Just because he asked doesn’t mean you have to  _ listen!”  _

“He just blew up the city! In the situation, I took the best course of action-”

“I don’t  _ care!”  _ Her voice rang through the square, and everyone fell silent, including Phil. She didn’t yell that often, she didn’t like it that much. But this situation deserved it. “We could have  _ helped  _ him. You said yourself that he was  _ insane, _ so his judgement obviously wasn’t very sound-”

“I made the judgement for the situation-” He cut in, defensive. 

“Who are  _ you  _ to decide whether  _ someone else lives or dies!”  _ The words ripped from her in anger, stinging her vocal cords with the intensity. The silence that fell over the pair was tense, but Niki didn’t regret her words at all. It took Phil a few moments to speak again. 

“I’m his father.” His voice was cold. 

“ _ Father?”  _ She couldn’t believe this, he had to be  _ crazy.  _ “Where have you been for months! He started this country, he was our leader and our  _ friend _ . He was a  _ father,  _ did you know that?” He didn’t say anything, but she could see the horror as he realized, or remembered. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Fundy flinch. “He was needed here! We could have helped him! But now he’s- he’s dead, all because  _ you  _ decided it was  _ best.”  _ She took a step forward, unsure if she was going to hit him or scream or tear Wilbur from his murderous hands. “Let go of him.” 

“Niki-” Eret spoke up, but she simply ignored them, ignored the warning in their voice. 

“Let go of him and  _ leave,  _ Phil. Your  _ help  _ isn’t needed anymore.” She was shaking, but it wasn’t from fear. It was anger, and as she stared at Phil, she saw him realize that. He tensed, the look in his eyes growing wary as he flared his wings slightly, like a threat. 

“Niki, come on. Getting angry isn’t going to fix anything.” Eret piped up again, resting a hand on her elbow and tugging gently. She pulled against them, not wanting to stand down. “Niki,” They repeated, their voice soft. Careful. “We have a lot of cleaning up to do. We can discuss this later.” 

She sighed, bitter at the fact that Eret was right. “Fine.” She looked at Phil once more, noting that his wings were still spread. “This isn’t over.” She said firmly, before shaking Eret’s hand off her and stalking past Phil, toward the others. They looked shell-shocked, likely from the explosion and the confrontation that had just happened in front of them. 

Niki only let her shoulders cave in once the group had split to survey the damage, their eyes not paying attention to her. She only let herself cry when she got back to the bakery that night, collapsing on the floor as soon as the door was closed and allowing the grief to cascade over her mind. 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The sun was high in the sky a few weeks later, a mocking recreation of the weightless freedom that had washed over the lands on that fateful morning. Niki let it wash over her shoulders as she walked along the new path through the trees, following the rushed directions Tommy had given her twenty minutes prior. In her hands she held a bundle of blue fabric, carefully folded so that the shiny bronze buttons and neat collar were facing towards the sky. 

It was Wilbur’s coat, from the war. She had spent any free time she could manage looking for it. 

It had been a rough few weeks for everyone. Rebuilding wasn’t easy, and most members of the country were plagued with pale skin and dark bags under their eyes, Niki included. She didn’t think she could sleep if she tried, no matter how much she wanted to. 

She stepped into a clearing, bathed in yellowy sunlight and framed with towering oak trees, the picture of peace. It was right on the edge of L’Manburg, far enough from construction and explosions that it was quiet. 

There, in the back of the clearing, was a single gravestone. Niki recognized it, having helped design it in the days after Wilbur’s death. It had been the one thing she could focus on, feeling as though it had to be done before she could move on to anything else. And then, she was swept up in gathering supplies and building spiraling paths over the crater that split the ground. 

Today had been the day when someone passed her on the path, watched her sway when she turned her head too fast, and told her to take a break. She needed it. And they were right, she did need it, needed an afternoon to eat some warm soup and curl up in her bed to try and get some sleep. 

But she had to come here first. She had been putting it off for far too long. 

She walked towards the stone, ignoring the tight feeling in her chest. It was odd to see her friend’s name carved across the stone. It felt final to see it here. 

With shaking hands, she clenched her fingers around the soft blue coat she held, coming to a stop a few feet in front of the stone, the words etched into it sinking into her brain yet again. 

_ Wilbur Soot. Founder, father, friend.  _

She cleared her throat. “Hey, Will.” She started, words slightly tense around the lump in her throat. “It’s been a few weeks, I’m sorry I didn’t make it here sooner. Tubbo needed all the help he could get with rebuilding. He’s still just a kid, you know? I couldn’t just leave him alone to do that while I mourned.” 

Niki paused, unsure of what she wanted to say, simply opting to let the breeze brush through the clearing and ruffle her hair. 

“I- It’s weird without you here, Will. You always knew what to do, how to get people to follow you. I’m starting to get worried that people aren’t going to respect Tubbo like they respected you. I’ll do my best, but I can really only do so much.” Her eyes were starting to burn with tears, but she held them back. She refused to cry yet, there was so much for her to say. 

“I didn’t realize how much it would hurt when one of my closest friends died. I never thought it would be like that, y’know? I always thought it would be in a battle, or something. Never- never right in front of me, at the hands of their own father.” 

“I realize that things were fucked up in the end. I wish you had talked to us, Will. I’m still not quite sure why you did what you did, but I don’t think you deserved to die for it at all.” She took a deep, shaky breath. She hadn’t realized how much tension these thoughts had caused her until her shoulders loosened a little. “I’m gonna try to keep things on track, though things are quickly slipping. I’m sure things will get better once everyone has homes again.” 

“I’m sorry that things ended this way. I hope you’re happy, wherever you are.” With a glance down at her hands, she remembered the object she had brought. 

“Oh yeah, I brought you something. I thought, I don’t know, it might be nice. It seemed fitting, I guess.” She unfolded the coat and knelt down to the grave, carefully draping the coat over the top of it so that the collar rested on the top and the buttons framed the inscription in the stone. 

She took another deep breath, letting one hand linger on the cool stone. “Goodbye, Wilbur. I wish I had been able to see it before you were gone. I hope that you’re really, truly free now.” 

**Author's Note:**

> that's that! I hope you enjoyed. 
> 
> small update: I'm thinking about doing a month of daily fics, probably in the next few weeks or so. So if you have any ideas/requests, feel free to let me know! Pretty much my only boundary is that I will not write anything shipping related. 
> 
> catch you guys next time! comments and kudos appreciated <33
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/watchmefail_ha)


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